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Fanfic: Forgive

Title: Forgive 

Pairing: Hankyung centric (Implied couples its up to you)

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Angst

Warning: Character death, suicide

Disclaimer: Not real, all made up in my head, the empty thing that it is.

Summary: Hankyung is not quick to forgive.

Author’s Note: Prompt 049 “What’s the difference?” Hankyung/Hankyung. 23/100 for challenge. Unedited so please forgive any mistakes



                Rolling his eyes, Hankyung huffed and threw himself onto the couch. His members were crying, huddled together throughout the living and kitchen of the Super Junior dorm. Even ZhouMi and Henry were there, Henry wrapped around Ryeowook trying his best to sooth him as ZhouMi sat near Kyuhyun looking like for all the world he wished how to comfort the stoic man. He scoffed at them all. They were mourning a member that had taken his own life. Why should any of them feel sad?

                Frustration filled Hankyung as he thought of the member. It had been a week since said member had taken their life. This was the first time the rest of the members had been able to huddle together, away from prying cameras and the public. He wondered what difference it would have made if the member had died in an accident or from an illness. Would it be hard to forgive still even if he had gone unwillingly?

                He tried to speak to Donghae who sat next to him but the boy only cried harder when he tried. He rolled his eyes again and stormed down the hall to his room. Raising his hand to open the door, he found he couldn’t. Hiding in his room wouldn’t solve anything. He turned and stormed into the kitchen ignoring the small leader sitting at the table, shoulders hunched. Kangin was whispering to him but it was obvious the man often referred to as an angel didn’t hear a single word he said.

                Why was he the only one angry? Why was he the only one pissed? Was everyone really so quick to forgive? Their member didn’t deserve forgiveness, not yet at least. He stared at the refrigerator, trying to make himself feel hungry but the motivation to eat was not there. Hankyung sat at the table with his leader, laid his head on the table and tried to sleep.


                Two weeks later he found himself sitting next to Heechul on the couch. The dorm was empty at the moment except for the two of them. The silence was welcomed after all the sobs of Super Junior. He stared at his close friend, hoping the princess would finally acknowledge him. Heechul had made it clear in a very Heechul was he was angry at the Chinese man.

                “Heechul. Chullie. Chul. Come on, babe. Look at me will you? I said I was sorry. Heemin.”

                Groaning he flopped back against the couch and stared at the television. Heechul made the cold shoulder an art form. He always knew what would drive him crazy the quickest.

                “You aren’t still crying for him are you? He isn’t worth it. No one who makes Cinderella cry is important enough for his tears.”

                Heechul turned his head away, looking out the window when Hankyung tried to touch his cheek. His heart clenched in his chest. Maybe this wasn’t about what he did to make Heechul angry anymore, maybe Heechul had loved his dongsaeng that much despite pretending he didn’t. Hankyung looked up when Siwon came through the door. The man had been spending a lot more time at church he noticed.

                “Hyung.” Siwon said kneeling in front of Heechul. Hankyung scowled when he laid a hand on his knee.

                “Not so touchy feely Siwon.” Hankyung protested. Siwon barely shot him a look.


                “Come on. You haven’t slept. Or eaten.”

                “I’m not hungry.”

                “Then at least come lay down with me for a nap. If you aren’t tired hold me until I fall asleep.”

                “Heechul-” Hankyung started to protest but the look in his sworn brothers eyes made him stop.

                He sat there looking at the television for awhile before he went to check on his members. They were curled with each other on Siwons bed. Heechul looked so tiny wrapped around Siwon like that. Both the men were fast asleep, for once their faces clear of any grief. Jealousy filled him. Why hadn’t they offered for him to join? Had he really been that much of a jerk lately?

                Tears stung his eyes for the first time since Super Junior had become one member less. For the first time since then he felt sorrow, grief and regret fill his body. He doubled over in pain and stumbled away from his slumbering friends, clutching his stomach. Slowly he made his way down the hall towards his room. He fell against his closed door with a thud as pain sliced up his arms. He gasped at the sensation.

                It took a few times but he finally managed to grasp the door knob in his hands and turned it letting him spill into the room. Tripping over his feet, he crawled to his bed, ignoring the darkness and musty smell of the room. Using up all his energy he made it to the bed. He flopped to his back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. The pain intensified. He shut his eyes and prayed for it to stop.

                Opening his eyes the room was no longer dark, the smell of the room was clean, his cologne clinging to the air. His arms were covered in warm liquid, his mouth was dry and tasted awful. He tried to take a breath but his throat felt stuffed. A gentle knock sounded at the door before Heechul stuck his head into the room. The sound of his name falling from the diva’s lips seemed to echo throughout the room.

                Hankyung watched in curiosity as the color seemed to slip from Heechul’s face. The feisty man turned his head and yelled something frantically down the hall. He couldn’t understand what scared the man so much as he ran to his side and practically flung himself on top of him. He tried to open his mouth but no sound came out. He frowned but didn’t feel his face move. Heechul picked up one of his arms and tried to wrap a discarded shirt around Hankyung’s arm. He could not remember how such a deep long gash end up on his arm. His second arm was picked up and the same gash was there. He wouldn’t have done that himself. Right?

                Members came running into the room, Sungmin was wrapped in Shindongs arms as the big man was on the phone with emergency services. Hankyung wondered briefly why Sungmin always clung to him. Amusement filled him as he considered the possibilities. Eunhyuk stood near his head and was picking up pill bottles from his nightstand. When had those gotten there?

                Paramedics soon filled the room, kicking his crying family out. Heechul refused to leave his side, hanging onto his hand as if he let go, he’d lose him. Siwon and Yesung finally managed to pull him away. Darkness filled his vision and everything faded. He was back in the dark musty room pain stilling pounding through his body. The sobs of his friends still sounded in his ears. Darkness clouded his mind this time, ripping him from the dorm.

                Oh God, what had he done?



( 2 comments — Leave a spider bite )
Oct. 12th, 2010 09:54 pm (UTC)
Omo... why?! Why?!! ... ohh Geng... and devestated SJ TT__TT
Nov. 21st, 2010 06:54 am (UTC)
Sorry sorry. Thank you for reading.
( 2 comments — Leave a spider bite )